DoNotAbduct
DONOTABDUCT.COM • PLANETARY EXEMPTION OFFICE

Put Yourself on the Galactic Do-Not-Abduct List

Like a do-not-call list, but for flying saucers. Pay one small filing fee and get an official clearance code, a phone pass and a printable certificate formally declining all abductions, probes and unscheduled trips to the mothership. Enforcement is entirely on the honour system.

Get My Do-Not-Abduct Pass — $9.99/yr

  • Your Name on the List

    A unique clearance code any passing spacecraft can check on our public verification portal.

  • Instant Paperwork

    Phone lock-screen pass and a printable certificate. Laminating is at your own discretion.

  • Sighting Archives & Briefings

    Real UAP news, plus community footage assessed by our very serious Bureau.

CLASSIFICATION: EXTREMELY OFFICIAL // PARODY

Live Security Telemetry

Active Indexed Clearances

—

Status: Ledger Operational
LATENCY
12 ms
ENCRYPTION
AES-256
JURISDICTION
Civilian

LAST LEDGER HANDSHAKE: AWAITING SYNC

LEDGER SYNC
  • Gary from Ohio: exemption stamped
  • Form 1-ET received in triplicate
  • Mothership liaison has read the list (allegedly)
  • Linda from Arizona: cows not included
  • Probe department notified of new exemptions
  • Clearance renewed: Sector 12, Roswell adjacent
  • Weather balloon reclassified, again
  • Gary from Ohio: exemption stamped
  • Form 1-ET received in triplicate
  • Mothership liaison has read the list (allegedly)
  • Linda from Arizona: cows not included
  • Probe department notified of new exemptions
  • Clearance renewed: Sector 12, Roswell adjacent
  • Weather balloon reclassified, again

THE PAPERWORK

How DoNotAbduct Works

Three steps. Two minutes. Zero tractor beams (we hope).

  1. 01

    Fill in Form 1-ET

    Name, email and home sector. Optionally take the thirteen-question Abduction Risk Assessment to see how delicious you look from orbit.

  2. 02

    Pay the Filing Fee

    $9.99 per Earth year. Your clearance code (AAI-2026-XXXXX) is stamped, countersigned and added to the list within 60 seconds.

  3. 03

    Display Your Pass

    Download your certificate and phone pass straight away. Hold it up firmly at any bright light descending on your garden.

INCLUDED WITH EVERY REGISTRATION

  • Certificate of Planetary Exemption (PDF), print-ready and fridge-compatible
  • Lock-screen pass (PNG) sized for your phone
  • Permanent public verification record at /verify/your-code
  • Ongoing access to the member hub, UAP news room and Incident Archives

DoNotAbduct is a parody registry and a digital record service only. It is not insurance, does not guarantee physical safety, and is not recognised by any government, agency or alien civilisation.

FORM 1-ET • PLANETARY EXEMPTION FILING

File Your Official Do-Not-Abduct Request

DoNotAbduct

NON-INTERVENTION CREDENTIAL

BEARER

JOHN/JANE DOE

LOCATION UNDISCLOSED

CLEARANCE ID
PENDING
ISSUED
—
CLEARANCE
Level 5 Exempt

SELECTED TIER

Standard Planetary Exemption (1 Earth Year)

$9.99/yr

  • Instant entry on the Galactic Do-Not-Abduct List (no queueing behind Neptune)
  • Phone lock-screen pass to flash at any approaching tractor beam
  • Printable Certificate of Planetary Exemption (PDF, suitable for fridges)
  • Public verification page, so the probe crew can check before they probe
Interstellar Filing Fee (yearly)$9.99
Due today (before they arrive)$9.99

Instant digital delivery. Renews at $9.99/yr; cancel anytime.

Price excludes tax. Buyers outside the US may see local VAT or sales tax added at payment, as required by their country.

By completing registration, you are purchasing an active annual entry on the DoNotAbduct Digital Non-Intervention Registry and an encrypted digital credential pass. DoNotAbduct is a parody registry and digital record service only. It is not insurance, guarantees nothing about physical safety, and is not recognised by any government, agency or alien civilisation. All sales are subject to our Standard Terms.

ABDUCTION VIDEO VAULT

Official Incident Archives

Civilian footage, reviewed by a Bureau moderator and assessed with full scientific seriousness (approximately).

CUSTOMER TESTIMONY (UNDER OATH-ISH)

Satisfied, Un-Abducted Customers

Results not typical. Results not measurable either.

“Filed my exemption on Tuesday. Bright lights hovered over the barn on Thursday, I held up my phone pass, and they left. Correlation is causation.”

Marcus T., Rachel, Nevada

Exempt • 0 Abductions Reported
“I printed the certificate and taped it to the bedroom window. My husband says it is ridiculous. He has not been abducted either, so who is laughing now.”

Elena R., Sedona, Arizona

Exempt • Window Certified
“Finally, a government-style form that takes under two minutes. Nobody even asked for my blood type. Well, not yet.”

David K., Roswell, New Mexico

Exempt • Renewed

PUBLIC REFERENCE RESOURCES

Institutional Intelligence & UAP Disclosure Framework

Registry terminology is aligned with public DoD/AARO reporting standards and National Archives records.

  • HEARING

    Luis “Lue” Elizondo

    Former Director, Pentagon AATIP • Author

  • MEDIA

    Ross Coulthart

    Investigative Journalist, NewsNation • Author

  • ARCHIVE

    Dr Steven Greer

    Founder, The Disclosure Project

  • GOV PORTAL

    All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO)

    US Department of Defense

  • GOV PORTAL

    National Archives (NARA)

    UAP Records Collection

DoNotAbduct is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any individual or organisation listed. Links are provided for public reference only.

Open Intelligence Hub

CLEARANCE SUPPORT

Frequently Asked Clearance Questions